Conflict Resolution
Scenario
In a leadership team of eight people, a situation has emerged where nobody believes that the group continue working together, due to a conflict around assumptions of bad faith and poor work quality.
Problem
The team needs to restore trust in each other, in order to move forward and return to their mission, or certain members need to decide to leave without sabotaging the company.
Desired outcomes
This morning gathering is a beginning. Ultimately, we want to get to a place where the team has a better understanding of each other's situation and approach, and feels more able to collaborate together. Today, our goals are more modest: to increase compassion across the team, and increase a note of optimism that things can change, as well as a few suggestions as to how (which can be explored at a later date.)
Core elements of dignity
Recognition; safety; acknowledgment; inclusion; understanding; benefit of the doubt; accountability.
How I tackle this:
Pre-read
A short survey asking them anonymously:

  • Please describe the current situation within the team without talking about any individual person's role in it
  • Why do you think this has occured?
  • What would help the team together to get past this?
  • On a scale of 1-5, where 1 is "impossible" and 5 is "definitely", how confident are you that the team can resolve these issues and work together successfully?
  • Is there anything else I should know as a neutral facilitator?
Arrival
The room is set with a large table that everyone sits around the table without anyone at the heads of the table. Everyone has notepads, pens, sticky notes at their seats. There’s a huge dry erase board on the wall, a screen I can plug a laptop into, and a pad of giant sticky notes on an easel.


I also have a Parking Lot board to one side. If someone brings up an unrelated complaint or issue to the one we're discussing, I make sure to write it there for future discussion, to prevent the meeting getting derailed.

I play some upbeat music and each place also has coloring books and some colored pencils, so that people have a quiet activity they can participate in if they arrive early. I insist that everyone put away their phones and laptops so that they can be present in the room.

9.45am
10 mins
Setting the stage
I set out some ground rules for our conversations today.

  • We will listen to each other with curiosity, not judgement
  • We will not interrupt each other, and will wait our turn to speak. The only exception will be if I feel that we are heading in an unhelpful or unnecessarily aggressive or blaming direction (If they can't keep to this, I'll use a highlighter pen as a talking stick)
  • Where possible, we will say "It feels to me that" instead of some version of "The facts are...". We are here because of how different actions and interactions make people feel, and somebody's truth about how something made them feel is their truth, and cannot be contradicted or corrected
  • We are not here to blame others for things that have happened. We are here to take responsibility together for changing things moving forward
  • We all agree that we are here because we believe we all want to fix what's broken, and return to collaborating as a team. We believe we can achieve this, and enter into this process with hope and optimism.

Each person has to affirmatively say "yes". If they don't agree with these statements, we discuss as a group.
9.55am
10mins
Icebreaker - What brings you joy?
I ask everyone to share what brings them joy. Take a few minutes to write down and think about something in your life outside of work that brings you joy.

Then we go around and have one minute max to talk about that thing.
10.05am
10 mins

Heard, Seen, Respected (with an adaptation)
  1. I put people into random pairs, asking to confirm that they aren't people they work with closely day to day (if they are, I break them up), and invite each person to tell a story to their partner about a time when they felt that they were not heard, see, or respected at work. Make clear that they may not want to choose the most traumatic of painful example. Give them a few minutes to think and write notes about their story. (3 minutes to think, 7 minutes each to tell – 20 minutes total)
  2. The listener's role is not to interrupt or contradict, and to keep their facial expressions from contradicting as well. They only ask questions to gain more information, such as "What else?", "What happened next?", "How did that make you feel?" Don't try to fix anything. If you find yourself judging the other person unfavorably, or want to tell them how to change what they're doing, notice that, then let it go. This is about sharing our stories from where we sit, not leaping to solutions. We'll get to fixes later.
  3. Then ask each person to ask their other, "What did it feel like to tell your story?" and "What did it feel like to hear my story?" (2 minutes each, 5 minutes total)
  4. In a foursome, have each person summarize the story they were just told in three minutes. At the end, they need to ask the person who told the story if they got it right; if they didn't, the original storyteller can explain what was missing in up to two minutes. (This is an adaptation from HSR in Liberating Structures, adding one of the core methods of Narrative 4's compassion-centered dialog) (25 mins)
  5. Then the foursome is invited, using, 1-2-4, to find patterns in the stories. These patterns (not the stories) are then shared with the whole group to find common ground, and discussed. (15 mins)
10.15am
65 mins
Break
11.20am
10 mins
How-How?
  1. I have written down on cards ahead of the meeting the antithesis of each of the specific problems that were written in the survey, eg. "None of the accounts reports are ready on time for our board meetings" becomes "Our accounts reports are delivered ahead of the board meetings." I then ask who works on that project, and place this on the table in front of them. If it's more than one person, I try to group them together.
  2. I do this for all of the problem cards.
  3. I ask people who work on the problems to write down answers on cards, one per card, how this problem could be solved. They need to focus on positive actions, not blame. If I see a blame card, I tear it up and ask them to rephrase it
  4. We go through all of the cards, explaining each one where necessary. Then I invite everyone to put dots on those that seem most interesting as approaches
11.30am
45 mins
Anonymous online response form
Ask everyone to pull out their phones or laptops, or if remote, to turn off their cameras and send them this survey, saying that their answers may be shared:

  • What is something you've learned today?
  • How has what you've learned today changed your previous beliefs about the team?
  • What could you all do differently moving forward?
  • On a scale of 1-5, where 1 is "impossible" and 5 is "definitely", how confident are you that the team can resolve these issues and work together successfully?
12.15pm
15 mins
Where we’re at now
Randomize the responses and summarize/discuss them in turn. Make clear nobody needs to share who asked it, unless they would like to volunteer their name.

Review the total average 1-5 score and see if it has changed. (I don't share individual scores)

If the score is high, however, use that as a positive closing note for future exploration.
12.30pm
10 mins
Closing remarks
The team leader closes the gathering on a hopeful note.
12.40pm
5 mins